Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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