The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize