how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
