i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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