When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
