today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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