Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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