I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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