Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
