You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
