Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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