dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
