I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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