Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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