i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
