Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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