I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
