I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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