my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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