Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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