pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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