dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
