non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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