i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
