You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
