The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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