im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
