i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
