There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
