kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
