how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
