did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
