I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
