yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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