I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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