Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
