Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
