you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
