All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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