I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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