I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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