He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
