I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
