If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
