Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
