so that wasnt chicken after all
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
