Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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