Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Randomize
