The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
