she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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