so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
