she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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