Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
