I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
