chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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