I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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