mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize