and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told you penises don't tan
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd