I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Less talking, more tequila
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing