another moral hangover. fuck.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
