thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to make out with him forever
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
