; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it glows. i had to have it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
