The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
