note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i believe in u and ur pee
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
