hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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