Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
