If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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