Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
