I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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