brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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