I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
