hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
