I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
