cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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