I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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