i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
