I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
