The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
