can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
