worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
