Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
