Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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