dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
