I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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