Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
