Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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