the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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