I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
